that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
