In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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