im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
