Umm I'm too high to move.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
All the doctor said was why
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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