You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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