Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
