I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
