I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
did i just pee glitter
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
