it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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