We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
