I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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