I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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