sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Randomize
