I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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