On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
