Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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