the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
