So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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