i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
