White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
