I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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