Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
