Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
