Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
