ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
