You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
