When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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