Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
