I think i peed on brittanys purse
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
