What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he thought i was a dude.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
