i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
