it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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