Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
We got so high we made milksteak
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
