Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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