Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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