I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
