I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
