Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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