Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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