His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
