We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
