i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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