I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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