I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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