Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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