it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
