i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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