there's paper in my vomit.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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