gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
