Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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