She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
operation have a gay friend backfired
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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